Michael Phelps - the New Chuck Norris

Well, the Olympics are just about over. Or I guess they technically already are, but here in the United States the closing ceremonies are airing right now. I'm sad. I've so enjoyed watching every night for the past two weeks and am so proud of our athletes. To lighten my mood as I wait for my beloved Michael to appear in London, I thought I'd share some jokes from a website I found while reading a blog that two writers for the Baltimore Sun set up from Beijing to track MP and other Maryland athletes during the games. These are in the vein of the Chuck Norris jokes I'm sure you're familiar with. There are tons of these jokes on the site, but some of my favorites are below. Now remember, I didn't make these up, so any less than desirable language is not my fault! :-)

Michael Phelps does not swim; he beats the $hit out of the water until it takes him where he wants to go.

If you spell Michael Phelps in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Michael Phelps doesn't need to wax; he just wills his body hair not to grow.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Michael Phelps' computer. Michael Phelps is always in control.

Michael Phelps destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Michael Phelps can slam a revolving door.

Michael Phelps was what Willis was talkin' 'bout.

Michael Phelps sleeps underwater with one eye open.